To Lost to Be Saved?

I was listening to the song Tourniquet by the band Evanescence the other day and was once again struck by something. The song is somewhat deep--and I guess you could say dark--in spots, yet in the chorus of the song, Amy, the singer, asks a very powerful question (one of the reasons I love the song so much): "Am I to lost to be saved?"

Wow. I can't speak for humanity in general, but personally I know that I've asked that question to God before. Let's face it, we've all done things that we don't want anyone else to know about, especially church people. Sometimes it seems like in my own life I really lead a double life, the one that people at church see and the more worldly one.

To me the question of being "to lost to be saved" has more than one answer. I think that most Christian churches would answer “yes, it is possible to be that far gone.” Jesus Himself said it was possible, but the only way Jesus said you could be to lost to be saved was by being lost and refusing to be saved. Did you catch that? The only way to not be saved is to not want to be saved! Most churches disagree with that, I think. Sure, they agree with that in "principal" but in most it takes a lot less than total rejection of God to be considered "unsaved."

One way to be unsaved, according to most Christian churches, is premarital sex. Wait, did I just say that out loud?! We can't even talk about it without giving it the same connotation as hellfire and brimstone! It's evil, it's bad, and you're a MEGA sinner if you've done it! Now, I'm not going to argue the right and wrong of it, but what I am going to say is simply this: everyone makes mistakes. Should we continue to hold those mistakes over them forever?

Another example I thought of, at least in my experience as an Adventist (although I see similar trends on other Christian churches too) is that if a marriage doesn't work out, we're "friendly" to the divorced person, but mostly they are treated like a leper. This might come as a surprise, but of all the Adventist churches in Orlando (and there are plenty) only one has a ministry for divorcees. This isn't to say that other churches don't care, but sometimes not talking about it means it didn’t happen. Is that logical? No, it’s not, but it makes people more comfortable, which at times seems to be the most important thing.

So what about it then? Am I to lost to be saved? I have fallen on my knees and asked God this question many times, often in the aftermath of having committed some grave sin (or at least one I feel particularly guilty for). Every time God leaves me with the impression that no, I'm not to lost to be saved, and the reason why is that I'm actually asking Him that question. Do I still think I'm a screw up? You bet! Sometimes I think about the people I sit in church with "if they knew some of the stuff I've done they wouldn't want me here any more." But God, in His infinite wisdom, answered my questioning prayer with something real, something tangible.

I've been taught of late what it means to be a part of a real authentic Christian community. In this community there are some wonderfully screwed up people, and the thing that so attracts me to them is simply their attitude, which says: "We're all broken, messed up human beings, but Jesus loves us anyway. So come as you are, because that's all we expect you to be." For most churches, it's not so much "come as you are" but "come as we think you should be" and that's not what Jesus would do. So, am I to lost to be saved? No, because like Jesus said: "The only way to not be saved is to not want to be saved."